i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
