Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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