Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
