I'm gonna have a badass scar
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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