guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
