Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
