Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
