your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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