I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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