We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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