I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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