I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
