i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
