Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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