i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
