just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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