Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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