Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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