I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
