you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
