Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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