Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
