literally had 100 drinks last night.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
