3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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