He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
