I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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