Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
