i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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