i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
