I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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