she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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