The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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