allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
