you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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