is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
