We won't sleep together?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
