The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize