Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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