They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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