where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
