She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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