My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
