You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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