The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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