Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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