the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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