My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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