so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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