I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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