We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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