Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
