i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
