my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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