i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
