clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As shirtless as possible
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
