he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
