Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
