my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
