I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
