would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
