I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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