we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
