I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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