so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
