A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
