my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
