I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
handjob tips. give me some.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
