sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
