this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
