dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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