I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize