there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
