Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
